Conservative fear includes:  fear of terrorists, fear of communists, fear of socialist, fear of foreigners, fear of gays, fear of things that go bump in the night.   Conservative fear tells us that they are all out to get us and we must hold onto our guns, kowtow to corporations and have a cop on every corner.  Conservative fear tells us that if it’s fun it’s bad.

Ah, liberal fear is a little more subtle.  Liberal fear tells us that the wafting smoke from a cigarette might break through the exhaust of the much favored by liberals public transit bus that is belching fumes into the air and kill us.  Liberal fear tells us that if mommy government doesn’t  make it illegal to ride a motorcycle without a helmet, bicycle or skateboard we will all fall victim to brain damage.  Liberal fear tells us that Johnny Shotgun  will one day burst out in rage and commit a mass murder .  And liberal fear tells us that the government must regulate how many twinkies a week we are allowed to have lest we die of a massive coronary and cost the health care system more money.

So, you know what makes me crazy?

It’s always one group or the other, either the Conservatives with their big shit bag full of fear, or the Liberals with their sappy Santa sack full of fear, running the country.  Those of us who would like to be left to just live our lives separate from the rest of the countries’ neurosis and paranoia can’t do that because there’s always some idiot politician being pressured by some whining, crying or bitching idiot American (who makes Sybil look emotionally stable), about some perceived threat to their life and wanting a new law to protect them.  (How’s that for a run on sentence?) Lower the speed limit, regulate the use of seat belts, lock up all Arabs, make all but one square inch of the country a no smoking zone….blah blah blah blah blah.

I’ve been asked why I live out in the boonies with the deer, squirrels, birds and raccoons and the simple answer to that is I find the wild critters  easier to live with than my whiny, obnoxious and NOSY fellow Americans.  I don’t care if the gay couple down the road from me is married, shacked up or just having wild monkey sex.  I just don’t care.  I don’t care if the next door neighbor is stoned from smoking pot grown in his back yard.  I don’t care if the idiot speeding down the road is wearing his seatbelt. I don’t care. What I do care about is my fellow Americans shoving their collective craziness down the throats of those who would like to make personal decisions about their personal lives all by themselves.

So, I’m going to share just a little bit of wisdom with all of those who will accept anything from the government in order to feel safe and protected……

YOU AREN’T GOING TO LIVE FOREVER.  No matter that you don’t smoke, don’t eat twinkies, wear your seatbelt, never see a gay person or a foreigner, wear a helmet, or whether or not you own a gun.   The government can outlaw this and outlaw that, it can lock up half the country and wage war on the whole of the Middle East but whether big brother is looking out for you or not, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIVE FOREVER.  Heck, I’d settle for a couple of decades without pain.

So, tomorrow I’m going to take my bag of Oreo cookies, my glass of wine, my cigarettes and ash tray out to the porch and commune with the birds.  At least they never give me grief as long as I share my cookies…..and THEY don’t drive me crazy.

I hope this weekend you will throw caution to the wind,take a chance and live dangerously….eat lots of cookies full of hydrogenated oil or get really crazy and have a glass of wine and smoke a doobie.    Whatever you might choose,  have a great weekend.

Sage