Walking down the street, my 84 year old uncle happened to glimpse at a store window and in that window he saw the reflection of a thin, rather fragile stooped over elderly gentleman.  He thought to himself, “there but for the grace of God go I.”  After another moment of reflection on the reflection he exclaimed, “Oh my God, that IS me.”

He’s a funny kind of guy who loves to tell a joke, but underneath the exterior is a man who has endured some of the most painful events life can dish out.  His daughter who was born just months before I was, was born with Down syndrome and with a hole in her heart.  Despite everything the doctors could do at that time and the fact her mother, my aunt was a nurse, my cousin died at the age of 7.  Unable to have more children, my aunt and uncle adopted two children.  Twenty years ago, their only granddaughter, age 3, fell down a flight of stairs and died.

My uncle could have become a bitter man.  He could have crawled into a bottle or indulged in any number of self destructive behaviors, but he didn’t.  Instead he has spent years giving of himself to others.  He and his wife cook meals and deliver them to the elderly.  They drive homebound people to the doctor or church or otherwise render whatever help they need.  This unassuming man who now lives in a doublewide out in the country is, contrary to all appearances, a millionaire, but he is a millionaire who remembers the dirt farm he sprang from and the things that he’s lost that money could not buy.

Now one might think that he could be smug and self-righteous about his financial success, but instead he has developed an attitude of gratitude and he remembers the Bible verse, From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. Luke 12:48   Much the same sentiment is encapsulated in the French phrase noblesse oblige, or nobility obligates.  In the Robert A. Heinlein novel To Sail Beyond the Sunset, Dr. Johnson says, “Does your common man understand chivalry? Noblesse oblige? Aristocratic rules of conduct? Personal responsibility for the welfare of the state? One may as well search for fur on a frog.”¹  It’s a sad commentary on a society when those who are blessed with more feel no obligation to extend a helping hand to those who have less, when the blessed glory in their accomplishments and ridicule those who struggle to survive.

You may be reading this and wondering what this has to do with anything.  Well, I’ll tell you.  I’m often accused of not wanting anyone to ever disagree with me and that’s not really an accurate accusation.  I have lots of people disagree with me on many issues, especially in my very conservative family, and I take it just fine.  What I don’t deal well with is the smug attitude of how smart, how righteous, how very envy worthy one is for having made the right decisions in life.  I don’t deal well with people who don’t seem to know or acknowledge that their very ability to make good decisions and move up in the world are reasons for an attitude of gratitude, not smug superiority to those who may not have the same abilities.

We are each born with a measure of ability, a measure of intelligence and into a family that either encourages and enables us to reach the best of ourselves or a family who itself has no ability to nurture a child into independence and maturity.  One might say it is the luck of the draw or the will of God, but however you look at it, having a family that nurtures one or having the ability to pull oneself up from the pits is not something to brag about and be puffed up about, it is, in my opinion, something that should make one feel humbled and grateful.

If you find yourself patting yourself on the back and feeling superior for your decisions and accomplishments, you might want to take the time to reflect on the saying….there but for the grace of God go I.  And if you find yourself feeling superior and echoing that sentiment here you will probably find us knocking heads as I feel little patience toward such attitudes.  Be grateful that you have been given much and realize that much will be required of you…….you can accept that requirement graciously and with a light and giving heart or you can dwell on the unfairness of it all and become bitter.  The choice is yours.

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